7 Qualities To A Happy Long Distance Relationship

long distance
Posted 25 June 2011   #20somethingproblem, Rose

Starting a long distance relationship is scary, confusing and overwhelming. It is definitely not easy, but it IS do-able! I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years and half of our relationship has been long distance due my grad school being across the country. From my experience, before jumping into a long distance relationship you need to have a detailed conversation to make sure you are both in it 100%. That will help eliminate any questionable gray areas that one of you may be thinking and any apprehensive topics can be brought out in the open at this time. It takes a lot of work and dedication to make any relationship last, regardless of distance, but that extra factor adds an entire new element. So here are my 7 must have qualities to have a loving, successful long distance relationships.

Commitment – You should be 110% committed to your significant other and to your relationship. If you have doubts about your commitment then you may need to take time to think about what you truly want. If he or she is “the one” there should be no question about being with anyone else. Long distance is a crazy roller coaster and you need to be ready for what life throws at you. Are you worried about temptations and wanting to be with other people? Red flag! You are probably not ready for a relationship at this time. If you are insecure about their commitment, well that goes into the next category, trust. I will say though, you should be with someone who is equally committed to you. Anything less is NOT acceptable, but keep in mind that having doubt about whether the relationship can work is natural. We’re not fortune tellers! It’s a risk and it’s scary. Unfortunately, most long distances will fail but it is so worth it if it works out. There’s nothing like beating the odds and proving others wrong!

Trust - It sounds redundant but it is SO true. If either of you has doubts in the other’s faith than you have serious problems even without the distance. The trust issue needs to be approached and handled before moving forward. In my opinion, if there isn’t trust why would you want to be with them? You deserve someone who won’t risk losing you over one stupid night! I want someone who wants me all day, everyday, and puts me first. If they are your priority, you should be their priority.

Communication – Remember communication is a two way street. Keep each other up to date on everything. Life can get busy but don’t risk growing apart! Let each other know your concerns and how you are feeling so you can work anything out together. With the stress of distance, it is extremely important that you both are on the same page. This will help to prevent a tiny insecurity from turning into something disastrous. Try not to assume the other is a mind reader, because that never works. That only causes more problems- trust me I know! Talking through any issues (big or small) will make you feel better. Otherwise that negativity can eat you alive!

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff – There is a fine line between communication and not making a big deal out of small annoyances. There are going to be little instances that drive you crazy at times. But if they are not hurtful or intended to be mean, try and let as much of the small stuff slide. Long distance relationships have enough stress alone. Focus on working on the big picture rather than potentially starting an argument over something silly. Wasting time and energy on little things is just going to make the big bumps in the road seem impossible. Always keep in mind, if your relationship can make it through this, you can make it through anything!

Patience – This may be the toughest one for me. You’re waiting for the call, the text, the visit, and the list goes on. It’s hard but try to realize you are now on two very different schedules and waiting doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t care or isn’t thinking about you. Continuous calls or texts are unnecessary and throwing a fit over not receiving the response you were looking for is never a pretty picture. Patience will help you not become the crazy one. Conversely, when someone isn’t patient with you or becomes too demanding, it shows that they are not understanding of the overall situation. You are allowed to have separate lives so be considerate of the things going on in your partner’s life. Be as empathetic as you can be and they will be excited to share every detail with you. It will help not only your relationship, but also your ability to get along with others.

Travel – You HAVE to do your best to make it work. Depending on the circumstances of your relationship, you need to make the extra effort to see each other whenever possible. I know vacation days are limited and travel can get very expensive. Try taking turns visiting one another as often as possible. It will show that you each are putting in the time, effort, and sacrifices to see each other and have a great relationship. If visiting your significant other becomes too much of a hassle or not worth the money, then you may want to re-examine how much you want to be in the relationship at that time. You should want to do everything and anything to make your boyfriend or girlfriend happy and seeing them will also make you happy. If not, red flag.

Surprises – Sounds cheesy but we all love an unexpected gift. Nothing says “I love you” like taking the time to send a little gift just to put a smile on their face. Whether it is a little care package of his or her favorite snacks and candies or just a card because you can’t be together. The simplest gesture can have the biggest meaning! At the end of day, it will make you both feel close and let the other know you were thinking about them.

When it comes down to it, every relationship needs these 7 qualities to truly flourish. Long distance relationships just test these qualities more frequently and at an increased intensity. Don’t be afraid to try it out. Wondering “what if” is always worse than knowing you’ve given your all and it didn’t work out. Remember that it can be done and it will be worth it!

By: Rose Tin